Kayoh @ 190

There is nothing worse than hearing that a plane has gone down. Those few minutes clawing at any information you can get are gut-wrenching. Yet, somehow out on the Hudson river last week while floating along there were many people who managed to barely get wet. Call it what you will, a miracle, luck, act of God- at the end of the day we are all grateful that what was most probable to happen did not happen that day.

As I sit around the airports killing time and people watching, it is so nice to overhear conversations of thanks and gratefulness and respect- something we airline pilots have not experienced in quite some time. On one hand, it is really sad that it takes an accident like this one to earn some respect amongst the traveling public…on the other hand, I’ll take what I can get!

Today I am finishing up a four day trip and will hopefully make it back home tonight. Standing in my way? A winter storm in Boston, where I happen to be at the moment. Boston….love this town. The buildings, the history, and so much to do. Even the accent makes me smile. I love every chance I get to spend some time in this town.

At the moment, I am a dorky cliche’ sitting here watching the snow fall outside my hotel window with a cup of hot cocoa. Being a Californian, it is a treat to be able to experience the snow a couple of times per year. That is, until I am the one in my dorky pilot’s uniform (seriously, a suit? Can we please move on?) going outside in the ten degree or less weather to preflight the airplane. I trudge through the snow, sand, and sometimes de-icing fluid with the wind usually whipping at my face trying to pay attention to my duty at hand instead of trying to finish as fast as possible to get back to the relative comfort of my aluminum chariot. As I run back up the jetway stairs from my preflight adventure, I am reminded of why I don’t live back East and am appreciative of my mild California home. Once inside the chariot, I will proceed to make myself a cup of hot cocoa…obviously a big thing with me in the winter. Oh, and that would be on top of my coffee intake which of course, is a requirement to be able to do my job

Wish me luck tonight!

I witnessed a rare display of gratefulness and humanity that I just have to share…it made my day, quite possibly my month.

I was standing around in one of the concourses at the Phoenix airport while waiting for my airplane to arrive. Meanwhile, an airplane had parked a few gates down and the majority of the passengers getting off that airplane were military personnel coming home on leave. As these “kids” (they are definitely getting younger, because I am surely not getting older!) were streaming into the terminal in the uniform of the various branches, I watched as every other passenger in that particular building stood up and applauded until the very last one came off that airplane.  I was completely moved and in awe that we, as Americans with all of our faults still have a deep sense of patriotism no matter what. I was so proud to witness and be a part of a small gesture to show our troops that they are appreciated.

Part of my job includes a bit of PR duty, especially with the kiddies. Not too often, but every once in awhile when we’re getting ready for the next flight, a child will come up to the cockpit and take a look around. Most of the time, they are shy and don’t really know why Mom and/or Dad made them go visit the scary pilots in the front of the big airplane. Usually, I just let them sit in my seat and ask Mom if she has a camera, then a few pictures are taken, the kid tries to leave as fast as they can while the parents excitedly thank us for giving this experience to their child.

Today, however, was a different and more rewarding experience for me. While in Pittsburgh, getting ready to go to San Fransisco this little boy showed up in the cockpit all by himself and started talking to us. The guy I was flying with did the usual of offering up his seat, which the boy promptly climbed right on up and started having a great time playing with the various controls and buttons.

We find out that his name is Noah and that he has flown on Northwest, Air Canada, and Japan Airlines to name a few. Noah is a world traveler at seven years old. He then asks us what would happen if we ran out of gas. We tell him that we have enough gas to fly for six hours but our flight will only take four and a half. To which he counters with, “yeah, but what if you still run out?”.

Somewhere in there, Noah’s Mom appears and talks to us for a few minutes and during that time I watch as Noah figures out how to strap himself into the five-point seatbelt harness as well as how to get the seat to move around (very impressive, took me awhile and this little guy is seven!).

It may not be much, but Noah reminded me of when I was a little girl flying out to visit Grandma. I always asked to go see the cockpit (when you could actually do that in flight), and was so excited when I got back to my seat. It was such a treat for me to see that kind of excitement and curiosity in a child.

Of course, being the smartass that I am, when Noah and his Mom were turning to go back to their seats I just couldn’t resist:  “So Noah, have you ever been to a Turkish prison?”  Luckily, the adults all got a laugh from my Airplane reference and the look on Noah’s face was priceless

One thing I absolutely must address is carry-on luggage. As I travel to and from work, often I board early, get settled in, and have the privilege of people watching as everyone else boards the airplane. It is very interesting at times

Alright, so we now have this new reality of airlines charging for checked bags. That is just the way it is now, and so to compensate, people have decided to try to carry on everything they possibly can with them so as to avoid said airline fees. (I don’t blame them one bit, I would too.)  There are, however, a few issues to think about for those trying to take the kitchen sink with them on an airplane.

a) I have seen gate agents get medieval on passengers who try to sneak on with more than the “allotted” one roll aboard and one personal item. That’s just no fun for anyone. The gate agents don’t like to have to be jerks (most of the time), the passengers certainly don’t like to be singled out in front of a crowd, and I as the observer cringe watching this exchange. So, if you want to take the kitchen sink, please make sure it will fit in one of the two items you are allowed to take onboard.

b) It is important to realize that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE else getting on that airplane has also decided to carry-on everything that they possibly can, and there is only so much overhead space.  So, as I have ranted about before, it is imperative to check in early and find out that particular airlines’ boarding procedure so that you can be amongst the first to board and therefore snag the coveted overhead bin real estate. It is not uncommon for the overheads to fill up half way through boarding, and then the gate agents have to come down and “gate check” everything that won’t fit on the plane. This may or may not cost you a trip to baggage claim anyway when you get to your destination.  This situation makes everyone grumpy too.

c) Just for posterity, I will rant about the non-use of the space under the seat in front of you. Seriously, people, why on earth are you putting your purses and laptops in the overheads??? 1) Higher chance of damage. Starting and stopping an airliner takes a lot of energy which means everything in an overhead bin moves around creating a higher chance of the big suitcase slamming into the delicate laptop. 2) Higher chance of theft. (yes, people steal stuff on airplanes).

On my last flight home a couple of days ago, I witnessed a man getting very unruly with the flight attendants, and at the end of his “I hate this airline” rant he says “The airlines just aren’t fun anymore”. This comment did catch my attention because he was absolutely right! Airlines have simply become a mode of transportation, and unfortunately expecting more than that will only lead to grave disappointment.

Vacation came to a close way too soon so now I am back at work. First stop, Chicago. Last night, Columbus, Ohio.

I have not been to Ohio in a very long time, or at least since last winter (I remember being cold last time I was here too!). Thankfully the hotel van was there waiting for us when we landed around 2am, and the first thing we see when pulling up to the hotel is a woman with really bleached, poofy hair sitting on a bench smoking. At first glance, that is nothing out of the ordinary in and of itself, but then she started babbling to herself or anyone who would listen. (it helps to picture a very drunk woman swaying and smoking in the middle of the night while at a temperature around 38 degrees F)

“It’s cold” “I’m wet” “Where’s my drink?” “My pants are wet” ” I have to take my pants off” “Will you take my pants off?”

That was when the security guard stepped in.  “Ma’am, you need to vacate the premises, or I will have you removed”

“BUT I PEED MY PANTS! I NEED TO TAKE MY PANTS OFF!”

Hmmm, poofy bleached woman must have had one hell of a night to be hanging out outside a random hotel in downtown Columbus where she was not staying for the night. Alone, drunk, outside in the freaking cold wearing wet pants because she peed all over herself. Now that takes effort.

This was how Ohio welcomed me back

Since my job now involves flying to Phoenix and sitting around in Phoenix until I get the magical phone call to go fly somewhere, I decided to ditch the monkey suit in my work locker a) so that I would be more comfortable and b) so as to blend in with the crowd.

It was quite refreshing up until the part when I was attacked by the credit card people trying to give me five billion miles and ten free flights if I would only apply for yet another credit card. When in uniform, they don’t approach us at all (yaay!), but all bets are off once I look like a normal human being again. “Miss, oh miss. Excuse me miss. Miss? Miss? MISS!!!!”. They must get the best commission ever, or I am in the wrong business. Upon further observation, I was shocked at how aggressive and flat out rude they can be to people. I even witnessed one of the evil credit card cronies tell a lady that she had dropped something just to get her to stop, and then WHAM, ambushed her.

These aren’t airline employees, but the airline name is plastered all over their little stands, and so it is quite embarrassing to me. I offer a heartfelt apology to everyone who has had the misfortune of coming into contact with the “credit card cronies”.

I am finally back from a long week of working, and have decided to reflect on the past five days…..

First stop- Puerto Vallarta where if you tell people you are headed down there, they say “Are you going to get the fish tacos? They’re the best in the WORLD!”. Now, I am not a big fish eater, but in the interest of making the most of what could be the last couple months of my job, I decided to try the fish tacos that were supposed to change my life forever.  All I want to know is what the hell is everyone I work with eating that would make them think that those tacos were anywhere near the vicinity of “good”????  I only managed to get down two bites, but those two bites got back at me the rest of the day!

Next- Salt Lake City. I only had enough time there to attempt to sleep, so nothing really to report.

Newark! If you say it with flair it doesn’t sound so bad ;)  For some reason, I was actually surprised that it was a little chilly, and scolded myself for not knowing better. This time of year, it is imperative to pack for all temperatures just in case, but each and every year I get caught with my proverbial pants down and end up buying a sweatshirt just so I can walk across the street for dinner in relative comfort (I am a huge temperature wuss! Anything above or below 72 is just awful!).  You should see my sweatshirt collection!

LA - Awwww, home sweet home. There is nothing better than having an overnight where you can sleep in your own bed….ok going home and not having to go back to work is better, but the overnight is a close second.

Las Vegas- Viva!  Still really hot and windy, but people going to Vegas are always excited and in a good mood.

Fresno- What can I say? It’s Fresno.  Although, I did run into an airplane I used to fly….a really old Cessna 152  (a little two seater). No, I didn’t literally run into it, but I did have my picture taken standing next to it. This was one of the airplanes I used to have my flight lessons in, and later on in life, I taught people how to fly using this airplane. I have certainly come full circle!

Have you ever wondered what happens when you purchase your airline ticket online, clicked your choice of seat on the cute little airplane diagram, and then you arrive at the airport only to be given a boarding pass with a different seat number on it?

Daily while I am at work, I observe people who are quite upset when their 4A window seat magically turns into the 22B middle seat by the lav. Can’t really say that I blame them, they thought they were getting 4A. They also thought they had purchased a seat next to their significant other- no worries, he/she is now in the other middle seat across the aisle from you!

Because this happens so frequently, I started asking around to try to find out what is happening and why it happens so often.

Rumor has it:  So there you are online purchasing your airline ticket (Now I know you don’t want to pay the “talk to a human fee”!) and selecting what you think will be your seat. When you do this, what is actually happening is that you are placing a seat request. You have just purchased “any” seat on that flight (you have just bought yourself a space in that airplane), you have not purchased “that specific” seat (4A) on that flight. I have been told that “the company” does their best to honor these seat requests, but your best bet is to check in and get your boarding pass in your hot little hands as soon as possible with the seat you want printed on it. Waiting until you get to the gate just prior to boarding and trying to change seats will not usually get you a better seat as many other people have had the same idea.

The age-old saying “The early bird catches the worm” is definitely applicable in this situation, only now it becomes “The early bird doesn’t get the middle seat”!

Quite the interesting morning today at the Toronto airport. After clearing customs for the second time in about ten hours (and YES, I now have a Canada stamp in my passport-yaay!), my crew and I were going through security when we hear a loud crash coming from the security line next to us. I look over to see a man picking up his laptop from the ground and say “You idiot!”. The man in front of him who had accidentally knocked the laptop off the security “belt” turned around and started screaming at this man. “F you, you piece of sh-t. How dare you talk to me like that, you don’t do that!”. The other man says “You broke my laptop!”

“IT WAS A F-ING ACCIDENT YOU PIECE OF TRASH! You’d better get away from me or I’m going to punch your F-ing face in!”. After a few more expletives, things lighten up a bit and we make it through security without a full blown brawl breaking out (thank goodness-I left my camera at home and hate to miss such photo opportunities!) As we walk away, the crew and I place bets as to whether or not these two gentlemen (I use that word loosely) will be on our flight. A bet that I win- they were not on our flight After the betting had closed, I note how there we were in line at airport security when a fight breaks out and the fine security personnel did NOTHING aside from a couple of “calm down” sirs. Did I mention they did NOTHING? So apparently it is alright for two very angry men, about to go to blows, to waltz through security and get on a very confined aluminum tube without so much as a “time out”?